A LOT of things in this world really suck. Here is where I shall be giving credit to those things.

June 10, 2008

Hot Ass Weather
Oh I hate you, you smiling sunny son of a bitch. I’m glad you’re getting your jollies by making my life completely miserable. 95 degrees in the middle of June? Yea, fuck you too man. You and your little buddy humidity. You two think you’re sooo cool roaming around together and wreaking havoc upon us poor, defenseless people of earth. It’s almost like that time when Hall and Nash came onto to the scene in WCW as the Outsiders and took out anybody and everybody they chose to except only a hell of a lot lamer. At least the Outsiders lead up to the formation of the nWo, the lame weather is just leading up to sweating and ridiculously high power bills. Hey, sunshine..eat my shorts, bud. Is it autumn yet?

Kool-Aid
This might be a tender subject for some of you because I bet there’s a large collection of you BEP readers out there who grew up on this stuff. Heck, I did too, I loved the stuff as a kid. It was so exciting because it cost like 10 cents for a pack of it and you got to create flavor upon flavor of juicey (well, kinda juicey) goodness. Here’s the thing though, in the real world non-childhood version of reality, this stuff is disgusting. As a kid, it’s awesome because you can drink a few glasses and be sent off on a sugar rush for hours upon hours, giving you the energy to build a treehouse or to beat up a neighborhood youngster who went home crying to mommy after your FRIEND hit him with a rock during a rock war and blamed it on you and got you in trouble. Jerk. But I digress. Anyway, it’s too sugary and it gives me a headache, the end.

Getting Eaten By Sharks
I think this one is pretty self explanatory.

April 20, 2008

April 17, 2008

Boy this has turned into some really solid filler content hasn’t it?

we begin today with san francisco giants pitcher barry zito, shown above displaying how many home runs he allowed in his last start. dude was the man out in oakland, but got paid huge dollars to go play for the lamest team in the national league and has sucked it the fuck up ever since. plus he just looks like a douche.

Sorry to throw more sports at you, but it’s my website, so fuck your opinions. I’ve gotta be honest, I couldn’t really give two shits about the NBA. In fact, I care more about who wins the Stanley Cup than I do about anything that happens in the NBA, and those who know me know just how much I follow hockey…(insert cricket sounder here). But when a conference is bad enough that the hapless, helpless, and hopeless Atlanta Hawks make the playoffs following a brilliant 37-45 season, someone HAS to say something. The East is sorta like the Will Ferrell filmography. There are one or two teams that are pretty good, and the rest, well, they downright suck. And if you’re like me and not really into fart jokes and nut shots, you’re better off just watching baseball.

cover your ears and hide your hair gel. atreyu is what happens when little emo kids stop acting sad and start acting maddddd. i shouldn’t talk much shit about them though, because when my girlfriend broke up with me, they’re the only band that i found to really express how pissed off i was for me. through their metal mastery and slaying breakdowns and harmonic vocals, they touched my heart and now i have a new girlfriend and i even got a b on my last algebra test.

if i can get somewhat serrrrious here for a minute…ohhh uber-conservative talk show hosts, how i love thee. michael savage and bill o’reilly. i’d throw in sean hannity too, but the page might shut due down due to ego-overload. these two smug bastards are the epitome of what’s wrong with the country today. fuckers like this influencing the thoughts and ideas of republican lapdogs across this fair country. some of the opinions these guys get away with voicing on the airwaves are seriously the most ridiculous things i’ve EVER heard. bill has his ‘loony left’ and savage wrote a book called ‘liberalism is a mental disorder’, but i really think both of these dudes are out of their fucking minds.

April 14, 2008

crocs are the stupidest footwear trend to come along since those awful puffy boot abominations women clunk around with on their feet sometimes. you know the ones i’m talkin about. but yea man, i’m sorry to break it to you (although i think you already know) but if you wear these stupid things, you look like a douchebag. i mean, i wore badass nike sandals with socks in high school, but i didn’t know any better. i hope you get eaten by alligators, just so i can bask in the irony of it all.

April 8, 2008

Oh Detriot Tigers. 0-7. LOL @ you.

madonna, your new 4 minutes song w/ the timberlake is just about as lame as that song a few years ago where you rapped about lattes. fuck you.

Emeril!! You’re fat and annoying and you never make anything that looks appetizing and your audience is obnoxious, get the fuck off my food tv. BAMBMABAMMABBAM