I like alots of music. I also hate lots of music. This is where I vent a little bit abot the music I hate…
I Set My Friends On Fire
What do you get when you take an awful genre and combine it with one of the most retarded ‘rap’ songs in all of history? Why, a record deal of course!
I Set My Friends On Fire is an Epitaph-signee and the “song” you’re about to listen to is allegedly the one that got them signed. ..and to that I say..’uhhh..really?’ Oh to be a fly on the wall.
‘Hey John, come check this out! I think I’ve found the next big thing here on Myspace!’
‘Really, Pete? Sweet! Let’s hear that jam!’
‘You got it, brother. I mean, this tune has TONS of plays so that really must mean the kids love it. Plus from what I understand, all the labels are signing acts such as this and putting them on something called the Warped Tour this summer! A tour that used to feature talented bands but this year has decided to overrun itself with new sensations like Millionaires, Brokencyde and Dot Dot Curve! THIS COULD BE OUR WAY ON TO THAT TOUR!!!!’
–song starts–
‘OH MY GOODNESS PETE! IS THIS A COVER OF THE VERY POPULAR SONG BY THAT SOLDIER BOY FELLOW?? MY DAUGHTER USED TO LOVE THAT SONG LAST YEAR!’
‘Oh you bet your ass that’s what this is Johnny Boy. But listen! These kids aren’t rapping it! oh no no THEY’RE SCREAMING!!!’
‘AHHHHH!!!! I FEEL THAT MY HEAD IS ON THE VERGE OF EXPLODING DUE TO THE UNBELIEVABLE BRILLIANCE OF THIS MUSIC, PETE! CRANK THAT!’
‘Tell me about it, John. I think we may have just stumbled upon the next Beatles!!’
‘Oh i totally agree! Picture this..we’ll market them to kids by making kooky neon colored shirts with cartoon monsters on them!! MAYBE EVEN ADD IN THE WORD FUCK SOMEWHERE!! KIDS LOVE TO BUY SHIRTS WITH DIRTY WORDS ON THEM! Picture this…I SET MY FRIENDS ON FUCKING FIRE! I SET MY FUCKING FRIENDS ON FIRE! I FUCKING SET MY FRIENDS ON FIRE! I SET MY FRIENDS ON FIRE, FUCK!! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE BOUNDLESS! Hot Topic, here we come!!’
and money starts falling from the skies.
sigh. CLICK
Millionaries
You might remember a few months ago when I brought to your attention a band so dreadful, so embarassing, they could obviously be nothing else but the next big thing in music. That band was, of course, the one and only Brokencyde. While my feelings about the ‘cyde remain as hateful as ever, I have decided to bring to light yet another travesty in the industry, a group called Millionaires. Now, I don’t know if music is TRYING to force me to stop enjoying or listening to it, but if this current trend of electropop bullshit is where things are headed, ugh, i weep for the future. For some reason, the impressionable youth of this world somehow got it stuck in their collective head that wearing tacky/scene as fuck neon clothes with big bubble letter writing and listening to white kids ‘rap’ over awful beats about sex, drugs, and general rabblerousing was the dopest thing ever. But I digress. So these classy broads are pretty big right now, so thusly I figured it was only fair to give them some undeserved attention and continue to let you people know about the sad state of music right now. The video you’re about to click on is for a song called ‘Alcohol’, and before you ask, yes, yes it is in fact for real. My words cannot do it justice though, so just watch it. I’ll be here with you in spirit, suffering along with you, and shaking my head in a very, very disapproving manner. CLICKY
Brokencyde
The very first entry to this group (heck, they were in the group before I even started it) was Brokencyde. I had just seen the video for their song ‘Freaxxxxxxxxxxx’, and I was none too pleased…
The last time I was annoyed or disgusted enough by a music video or just a band in general to make a post about it was last month when I first stumbled upon a TV On The Radio vid for whatever the hell song their single is. However, dispite my dislike for them, I can respect them for being darlings of publications like Pitchfork and Paste, et al and understand why people dig them. Today, the band I am sharing with you is generally laughed at by everyone, is part of a genre of music that is nothing short of a disgusting blemish on the face of the music industry, and might possible be the single worst band to ever exist in the world. I have shown this to a few of you out there already, and I’m sorry for subjecting you to it again, but it’s like a car crash you can’t not watch. It’s like if Crazy Town reformed and were 30 times worse. It’s like..the musical equivalent of Nick Cage’s worst movies. Yeah, that bad.
I present to you Brokencyde – ‘Freaxxx’
sigh.
(i’m not posting the video here too…instead, just click here)
Mikey WhiskeyHands/Saintz
Ugh. With a name like Mikey Whiskeyhands, you know it’s gonna be brutal. This douchelord is from San Diego, and I’ve always heard that they do things differently in California, but I never really get used to how much some of those different things suck. This shit is so stupid, it kiiiinda makes me wish Cali would hurry up and float off into the Pacific already so folks like this can stop showing up in my little world. I don’t know what the deal is with kids these days, and I really don’t know when it became so cool for sceney dudes to be rappers, but like, it just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. So this video is Mr. Hands and some rapping posse he’s in called The Saintz aaand the song is called ‘Straight Golden’. Get crunk n shit. Sigh.
